Goals

So I've decided I'm gonna sit here and make some goals for myself and for my family. I should have done this long ago, but since Brandon has passed away things haven't really been that easy for me and I think it's about time I start to focus on right now and our future. I'd give anything for Brandon to be apart of these goals. One thing is for sure though, I know in spirit he will always be with us every step of the way. I'm still partially in shock that tomorrow Brandon will be gone 2 years. It's still so fresh in my mind, but as fresh as it is, It feels like an eternity since I last said good night and gave him a kiss and hug, and since he left us. I read a book a while back by James Van Praagh called Ghosts Among Us. In the book he said that before someone actually dies, their spirit has already left the body and doesn't feel the pain of the death they endured. (not in those exact words, but very close) I'm not sure how many people actually believe in their spiritual self, but after reading this book, which by the way is actually my favorite, I really believe we do have a spirit inside of us, and we are just living in a physical body until our time comes to become our spiritual self. I'm not sure if that made any sense to you, but I'm sure you understand what I'm getting at. I know this is all irrelevant to the start of this blog, but like I've said before my blog is a way for me to relieve my mind of the thoughts that are on it. Here are some of the goals I have in mind in no particular order. 1. Get a job that I can see myself doing for a very long time, which I have been filling out applications and trying to do. 2. Save money to move out of this area. If I were asked to move out of the Hazleton and surrounding area a few years ago, I would have easily said no, but things are different now, much different and I find this a necessary move on our part to better our lives. 3. Start to pay off any debts I have, so that possibly in the future I will be able to buy a house or go back to school. 4. Work on a healthier me. Quit smoking, lose some weight. Get my asthma under better control, not that it's REAL bad, but I don't want that in the way of me being as healthy as I can. 5. Get rid of unnecessary people from our lives that are only gonna try to drag us down. The only ones we really need in our lives are family and friends that are here to support us and love us as we do them. 6. This is one that we've been doing since day 1, teaching our kids everything we can to be the best they can and follow their dreams. They are our number 1 priority. I'm sure as time goes on the list will keep going, our goals in life never stop because frankly, our hopes and dreams never stop either. There's always something that will keep you going. My girls are what keeps me going, as well as Bill. Bill being by my side through out these goals is very important to me and I don't want to live my life without him. My grandmother, my mom's mom is a very big inspiration to me. I look up to her in so many ways. She is the strongest woman I know. She has been through so many tough times and survived them all and still going strong. She's in her 80's and still so very independant. She is the most sweetest, loving, caring woman I have ever known. Noone in my eyes can compare to her. She would bend over backwards (not literally) for anyone. She would give the last piece of bread to someone if they didn't have food. I love her so dearly. I don't know anyone who would ever be able to stay mad at her and Yes, I have recieved lectures from her but I always know as soon as I hear them they are for very good reasons. The last few days have been pretty stressful, but I'm shaking it off. I'm going through a hard enough time right now. The LAST thing I need is more stress. I'm gonna start going above and beyond to get what I want out of life. Life is very precious, and every waking day is a new beginning, a fresh start to make the most out of that day. I've decided I'm going to start praying at night for God to let me open my eyes to each day to come. My grandmother once told me that giving gifts to others shouldn't just happen on holidays or birthdays, If you see something that you feel someone would really enjoy or appreciate you should give it to them. Giving is an amazing feeling when you see the happiness and joy in the recipient. It makes you feel like you have done something good. Some people who recieve things though don't appreciate them and I think alot of times that's why we only give on holidays, birthdays and other occassions. Here's another thing to think about, Treat others the way you want to be treated by them. Actions speak louder than words. The way I see it, both actions and words can never be taken back, so think before you say or do. I think once trust is lost it's hard to gain back and for some it can never be gained back. That's one of my problems, I trust too deeply then when the trust is broken it hurts very much and I always tend to forgive so quickly. I'm too kind of a person, and I don't always tell it like it should. It's not that I'm afraid, it's because I was raised to just ignore the negative, which sometimes is pretty hard to do no matter how hard I try. I notice I'm always trying to please everyone and make them happy, but what about myself? When am I gonna make myself happy?? I'll tell you when..Starting right now. I'm gonna start looking out for myself and if that makes me sound selfish, oh well. So those are my thoughts for the night and the start of my goals. If you like reading, and want to pick up a good book, look for the book I mentioned in the beginning of this blog!