Don't know what else to do

Most of you that read this are on my friend's list on facebook as well. So I decided to try to quit smoking, which was one of my goals, I was going to do it cold turkey but already failed (not surprising) so I've decided to cut myself down each day until I no longer need a cigarette. The last month has been not so good for me. I don't know who to trust and who not to trust anymore. Why does it feel like everyone is out to sabotage my life? Is it just all in my head? I feel there is really only a handful of people I can trust and 2 of them don't even live in the same state as me, and this is including family. Sometimes I feel like putting myself in a mental hospital with all the thoughts that run through my head, but I'm far from being suicidal. I feel like I'm slowely losing my mind though. Brandon's on my mind every single day. I'll never know why his life was chosen to be taken away from him, and I still feel like it's all my fault. It didn't really bother me to look at pictures of him or hear his name until now. I'm becoming emotionally unstable and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I used to believe everyone when they told me I was a strong person for what I've been through, but now I'm starting not to believe it. I know there are others out there that have things so much harder than I do, but everyone handles things differently, everyone's struggles are not the same and what may be a piece of cake for one person to get through might not be for another. Maybe me shutting people out is my way of seeing who will actually fight to stay in my life and be here to help me and listen to me when I need it. I'm afraid to even talk to anyone about how I feel, they would think I'm crazy or think I'm trying to get attention and let me assure you, those are not my intentions at all. I just want to know who's real in my life and who's fake. You know what really makes me think? A few people I knew in High School came to Brandon's viewing to show their "support" for myself and Brandon's family and now when I see them while out somewhere they don't say two words to me. They just look at me, and believe me, I know that you knew it was me because our eyes met, and you just either walk right past without saying anything or even giving a simple wave or just turn around and walk the other way. I've always wondered why people do that. It doesn't even have to be people that were at the viewing. It could be anyone that I talked to at some point in my life. Anyway, what am I supposed to do now? who am I supposed to trust? and Just because you are family doesn't mean I can or have to trust you either. They always say family will always be there in the end but truthfully in this world today, some people are so twisted that it doesn't hold true all the time. If you don't care about me now, why care after I'm gone?