1 year

A year ago today, I lost my my little boy, not really sure what to even say. This past year has been a never ending emotional battle with myself. I still can't believe he's gone, I'm still in shock. I still think about him every day if not every few minutes or so. I don't think there's anything more I can say that I haven't already said in my last blogs. I have come to realize though that if it weren't for my girls, I probably would have gave up. They keep me going, they keep me strong. They are the reins of which I hold onto to keep myself up. They are the reason I have to get out of bed in the morning. They need me. I still have my days where I don't want to be bothered by anyone, where I break down at certain things and sometimes I even wonder why I'm still here, but you know what...God works in mysterious ways, if he wants me to be with Brandon, he'll take me when it's my time. I'm going to treasure god's gifts to me, my time with my son, my girls, my family and my friends, most of all the life he has given to me. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have had my son, the girls, my family or my friends. I'm gonna try to make the most out of everyday, whether it's happy or sad, I found a quote that said something like you wake up each morning and decide for yourself whether it's going to be a good day or a bad. you make your own decisions and what the outcome of each day is going to be. I am in control of my life. As long as I surround myself with those that mean the most and those who make me happy, I don't see why I can't start to be happy again. I won't ever forget about Bran, he was my only son, my 1st born, my baby. he was the world to me. A few weeks ago, thinking about him would have made me completely lose it, right now, I can say that I think about him and smile because all I think about was his gorgeous smile, his blonde hair and blue eyes.I'm not gonna say I don't still get tears, because I do, but I think it's getting a little better. I printed out all the pictures I had on facebook and myspace and organized them in categories, hopefully I can start the scrapbook, need more supplies for it, but it's a start. Going to see Bran today, praying I don't break down being that I've been doing okay. It might be hard for me, who knows, only that moment will tell.